Broken Hearts, Painful Memories
by BlackButlerFan4Ever
Summary: As his eyes burn into me, I knew I had to have him. He is the love of my life and the muse to this world. It's either I have him or I'll die alone. Shizaya! Warning: Smut and Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

**(A/N: This is something I've been wanting do do for a while so I hope you guys like this!)**

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 **Broken Hearts, Painful Memories**

 **Chapter 1**

 **Izaya**

My name is Izaya Orihara. I'm hopelessly in love with Shizuo Heiwajima. He is the love of my life. My inspiration, my muse. He is the reason why I keep returning to the city where I get shunned. The city where I feel I can't leave him.

 _I love him._

I've loved him since junior high where I first met him. He hates me. He will always hate me.

As I walked through the city of Ikebukuro, I look to my left to see a flying trashcan. I simply move to steps and the trashcan flies millimeters away from my face. I knew exactly who it was.

"IZAYA!" I put on my fake signature smirk and I left my heart leap from my chest. I felt anxious and felt butterflies- no wait dragons in my stomach. But he hates me.

"Ah! Shizu-chan! What a pleasant surprise!"

"What are you doing in Ikebukuro? Didn't I specifically say stay away from the city?" I felt my heart break into a million pieces. I couldn't let him see my heartbreak. I don't ever want him to see me weak.

"I just missed the city so much I thought I shall return to greet acquaintances!"

"Bullshit. Why are you really here?"

 _For you.._ I almost said out loud.

"I just told you. Or is that tiny brain of yours not understanding?" I saw the anger flare in his eyes. I watched him as he grabbed a lamp post without any effort and I felt my heart just burst. He was strong.

 _What a monster._

He throw the lamp post at me and I effortlessly dodged it.

"PISS OFF!" He yelled.

I hurled my knives at him and he impressively caught one in his mouth and dodged the rest. I saw a newspaper stand being hurled at me and I couldn't dodge it. It hit me and I instantly felt pain in my torso.

He was the one. My diamond in the rough. The love of my life.

Why out of the 7 billion people on earth, why him?

I pushed the newspaper machine off of me and I groaned in pain. I felt I was being lifted up to my collar and I was once again, face-to-face with Shizuo Heiwajima.

"What are you really up to flea?"

 _Nothing...I just came back for you..._ I thought to myself.

"I told you!"

I kicked him and I did a backflip and got on top of a building. I then fled as I heard a loud "IZAYA" I then felt my eyes water as I ran away from him. Why do I love that monster?

He hates me.

He'll never love me.

 _I'm in love you and you'll never know._

I've never been in a relationship before. Because of him. Because of Shizuo.

 _But if I can't have you I'll walk this life alone._

If I can't have him, I'll die alone.

I felt my heart clench in pain as I slid down the wall. I looked up to see the clouds move in. It looked like it was about to rain. Just with that, I felt raindrops I felt tears down my cheeks I knew it wasn't from the rain and I was crying. I sobbed and sobbed.

I'm in love with Shizuo Heiwajima, and there was nothing I could do about it.


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/N: Chapter 2! Enjoy!)**

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 **Broken Hearts, Painful Memories**

 **Chapter 2**

 **Izaya**

I haven't left my house in fear of running into that monster. It has been 2 weeks since I've stepped outside. I don't want to face him. It was no secret to me I was in love with Shizuo. But it was definitely not by choice. As I look out my window, I began thinking about him. I sighed and stirred my black coffee in circles as I put my hand under my chin.

Why do I love him so much?

If he was the fire. I'd let him burn me. He left his mark on me. He didn't even have to do anything. I love him...

I decided to get up and put music on to lighten to loneliness this apartment had on. As I put on anything, I closed my eyes and a track played that got my attention.

 _"Everybody loves the things you do,_

 _From the way you talk to the way you move._

 _Everybody here is watching you,_

 _'Cause you feel like home_

 _You're like a dream come true."_

What in the hell possessed me to continue to listen to an Adele song? I turned off the radio and laid back down in the couch. But I couldn't stop thinking about those lyrics. The lyrics spoke to me. It reminded me of the blonde monster who stole my heart. It described him perfectly.

I closed my eyes as the thoughts drift to my head.

He was a dream come true...my dream come true.

He was my everything. If I could give him my life I would. But in a way... I am. He could slaughter the entire human race...and I can still find a way to look the other way even if I knew he did it.

I love him.

I'm the last thing he wants but he owns me. He can have every piece of me and I would still find a way to give him more. I just want him so bad that it hurts. It hurts so much.

I've been isolated my whole life and his presence wipes the loneliness away. Even if isn't the best encounter but he still cures the loneliness. He could tell me he hates me a million times but I would still find a way to love him.

I had a massive headache and I groaned in agony.

 _Bloody hell._

I would've gotten Namie to get me some advil but she's in my other apartment making excuses why I'm not available. I sighed and got up to go get the advil, I heard a loud knock. I raised my eyebrow.

Who the hell knows this address? It's under a pen name and it's secluded. It would've been impossible to trace back to me.

The knocks began to grow louder and louder until the door fell over and I turned around and my mouth sprung wide open. I couldn't control my heart hammering against my chest. I felt the dragons in my stomach going out of control.

"Shizu-chan..." I whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

**(Hello lovelies! I am so sorry I haven't updated and I'm not going to even lie, I forgot this story existed and I haven't been on my account at all for the past year. Please accept this chapter as an apology and I hope you guys likes this! R &R!)**

 **Izaya**

"Shizu-chan.." I whispered.

 _You came..._ I thought as my heart flipped.

"What the hell are you planning flea?" I was taken by surprise on what he meant and raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" I asked him with my fake signature smirk. He glared at me and grabbed my table from the ground and hurled it at me. I instantly dodged it and raised an eyebrow.

"You come to my house, demand what I'm planning and throwing my furniture? My, my Shizu-chan you really thought this through."

"Piss off flea." He yelled angrily as he threw a punch at me.

I love him to much to hit him back.

I dodged his punches and the flying objects he was hurling at me and every time I felt him throw something, the more I felt my heart break.

"You sent those goons after me and tried to have me killed? The fuck is wrong with you flea?" I furred my brows in pure confusion. When the hell did I do that?

"I guess I did." I said as I smirked.

I've always did this. Telling Shizuo it was me to get him to even see me. I loved him too much to even tell him he had too many enemies. Eventually I track down those people and take of it on my own. I love him more than life itself.

"You stupid flea."

"Why Shizu-chan, if you wanted to see me so badly all you had to do was call." I said.

"In your dreams flea." He yelled as he hurled my TV at me and it shattered through the window. He's right. Only in my dreams.

 _He'll never love me._

I often think which one of us is the monster and which one of us is the man. The more I think about the answer, I'm the monster. I think about it every single day of my life. If I can't have him. I'll die alone.

I kept dodging every attack he through at me and I took off through the window and leaped through the fire escape to the ceiling to create some distance.

"IZAYAAAA!" I heard him scream and I felt my heart being torn.

I would swim oceans for him and he'll never cross a bridge for me. Loving him is like laying in a bed of needles. The longer you're on in the more painful it is. I can't seem to get up at all because of him.

He has my heart and he doesn't even have to try. I would give up life times just to touch him right now.

As I sat on the ceiling for hours, I just broke down. I didn't even know why I was crying. About my life? About him? My one sided love? I didn't know but I just continued to cry. I let all of my emotions loose and I never realized how am I going to live the rest of my life with him hating me more than anything?

 _I love him._

 _I love him so much._

Out of all the people in the world, why did he have to be the one? I felt my heart breaking in two and I'll never be happy.

As long as he hates me, I'll never be happy.


End file.
